Anxiety

Today for the first time in a long time i started to feel pressures and anxiety. For the last couple of days i have been asking myself why i have come here to Europe in general. I have been trying to figure out my goals while I am here but was having trouble until today. I know the answer was to figure out what I want to do with my life and where should I go next, but that answer isn't cookie cut clear and many people go a life time not knowing that answer.

What i do know is that i came here for an adventure. Stories I will be able to share and be proud of. But for me an adventure is hard to define. I am beginning to realize that i am far more simple than i once thought. I don't need to spend a month climbing a mountain to seize that sensation. It is the simple accomplishment of completing something that i feel many of my peers miss out on. While I am at Clemson i try to do something everyday that deferentiates me. Typically that has revolved around water skiing, mountain biking or kyaking. Activities that other people always talk about trying but never commit.

I watched part of a film last night, "the Motorcycle Diaries," that made me releaze my desire for an adventure. The film was much like "Into the Wilderness" where two men take nothing but what they can carry, hop on a motorcycle and set off across South America. I was thrilled about this idea of adventure but the majore sensation happend to me this morning as i rode the metro to school.

It has been two weeks since i have been here and i originally thought i was in love with city life. The easy of traveling within, plethora of cafeterias, people and bars. But today on the metro i fell into panic. I realized that i want out. Not for long, but just out of the hustle and doing something that separates me. What i want is my bike. I love the control of deciding where i can go using my own power, not restrained by the metro stops laid throughout the city. This is most likely what i love so much about cars. I want to travel and backpack, rough it a little, lose electricity even if its just for a day.

When i was living in Greenville or Clemson i knew i was in the right fit, where I had all the conveniences but within 5-30min i could be doing something different/exciting outside city life. With my 3 day weekends i find it hard to travel to a little known area. I have booked many trips to major cities such as Paris, Rome, Geneva and Munich. I hope that this will give me my sense of adventure. But what i really want is to go to somewhere and ride or hike little known area. Its hard when I have never traveled, especially Europe, and don't understand the ins and outs. So with my little weekends available I believe i am going to go to the bus stations here in Barcelona and just get on a bus and see where it can take me. Go skiing.

So inclusion I am glad that today I started to feel what it is i want to do, know what it is, and what I need to do to enjoy my life and my stay here in Europe. I am going to love living on the side of a lake this summer.